The way that I talk to myself is incredibly harsh, but I don't feel like I deserve any kindness. What do I do to change that?

If you find yourself speaking harshly to yourself and struggling to feel deserving of kindness, know that you’re not alone. There are steps you can take to begin shifting this experience. One thing you can do is start by simply noticing your self-talk without judgment. Becoming aware of the critical voice is the first step in creating space between you and those thoughts. You can then practice responding with a more neutral or supportive statement, even if it doesn’t feel fully true yet. An example can be “I’m having a hard time” instead of “I’m a failure.” Although this can feel incredibly difficult, these small changes will make a big difference, even if you don’t believe it 100%.

It can also help to reflect on where those harsh messages may have come from and whether they truly belong to you, and if they are true. Journaling, mindfulness, and working with a therapist can all support this process. Over time, even small moments of self-kindness including resting when you’re tired or acknowledging your effort can begin to soften that inner voice and rebuild a more compassionate relationship with yourself.

Taylor Gaffney