How do I manage the feelings of guilt and regret that I feel all the time while I'm grieving my dad?

I'm sorry to hear about your father. The passing of a parent can be a deeply painful loss so it's important to be kind to yourself. Grieving involves emotions from across the spectrum, including yes, guilt and regret. These feelings are particularly challenging because they fixate on the past. We regret not spending more time with someone, letting opportunities pass us by, or failing to fix a relationship. Not being able to change these things can leave us feeling pretty stuck and hopeless.

So what do we do? First off, you need to recognize that your regrets only exist because of your values. You believe deeply in what it means to live life meaningfully. These values are not in the past - they are here in the present moment with you, along with the pain that comes from not choosing them. If you regret not spending more time with your dad, that shows you value companionship, intimacy and connection. And so we tend to the present pain by choosing present values. Invite a family member to connect or accompany a friend on an endeavor; show up and reach out to engage with the lives around you that may be taking for granted. Like a hammer, regret can be devastating if we point it in the wrong direction. By focusing it outward toward our values, we can build a life worth living. Working with a mental health professional to identify the specific ways regret shows up in your grief is always a helpful option to consider.

Josiah Teng

How do I manage the feelings of guilt and regret that I feel all the time while I'm grieving my dad?

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