How do I make friends when I feel socially awkward or guarded?

Making friends when you feel socially awkward or guarded can feel intimidating. A lot of people feel this way, even if they don’t show it. Being “awkward” often just means you’re more self-aware or cautious, not that you’re bad at connecting. Instead of trying to be instantly likable or say the “right” thing, focus on being present and curious. Asking simple, genuine questions and listening goes a long way. You don’t need perfect conversation skills; most people appreciate someone who shows interest and is easy to be around.

It’s also easier to connect in spaces where there’s already a shared interest or structure like classes, work, or group activities. That way, the focus isn’t entirely on socializing, which can take some of the pressure off. Over time, repeated low-stakes interactions naturally build familiarity and comfort. The goal isn’t to eliminate awkwardness, it’s to move through it. Most meaningful friendships aren’t built on perfect social skills, they’re built on consistency, openness over time, and a willingness to show up even when it feels a little uncomfortable.

Taylor Gaffney