7 ways to calm yourself down when you get angry
PRACTICAL TIPS TO CALM YOURSELF DOWN WHEN YOU CAN FEEL THE ANGER RISING
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Anger is an incredibly common feeling that can creep up on all of us from time to time. But it's important to have some tricks up your sleeves to handle it in a healthy way.
Here are seven practical techniques to help you calm yourself down when you can feel the anger rising, with some advice from therapist Kathryn Lee. So, take a deep breath, and let's dive in!
1. Acknowledge your feelings
Suppressing your feelings can often just delay the response. People often think that acknowledging their feelings will make it worse, but more often than not acknowledging your feelings generates conversation and curiosity about what is going on.
2. Take some deep breaths and count to 100
When you find yourself getting angry, take a moment to really focus on your breath. Breathe in slowly through your nose for five seconds, and then exhale slowly through your mouth for five seconds. Deep breathing can help slow down your heart rate, keep your mind occupied, and make you feel more relaxed almost immediately. It’s a simple but effective way to regain control of your emotions.
You can also try counting to one hundred to try to regain control over your anger. When you count to one hundred, it can “keep your mind occupied and also gives you some time to pause before saying or doing anything.”
3. Step away from the situation
Sometimes, the best thing you can do when you’re feeling angry is to just step away from whatever is making you angry. Find a quiet and comfortable place where you can be alone for a few minutes. This will give you time to cool down and gather your thoughts before reacting impulsively. Taking a break can help you approach the situation with a clearer mind.
“Stepping away even for a few seconds can help you recenter. If you are having a tense discussion and you need more time, let the other party know that you will revisit the conversation when you are able to do so in a calm manner.”
4. Practice positive self-talk
When anger starts to take over, it’s easy to get caught up in a tornado of negative thoughts. Instead, try practicing some self-compassion and positive self-talk. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel angry, but it’s important to handle it in a healthy way. Tell yourself calming mantras like “I can handle this” or “I choose to stay calm.” Positive self-talk can help shift your mindset and reduce the intensity of your anger.
5. Create a plan
“Have some ‘go-to’ activities or things you can turn to when you are angry: a picture of a loved one, a pet, or your favorite place, scented hand lotion, and/or mints or a piece of candy. Engage with your senses.”
Hint: You can also try journaling as one of your “go-to” activities. Expressing your feelings through writing can be a helpful way to calm yourself down when you’re angry. Grab a notebook and pen, and write down what you’re feeling — or just type it out on your phone. Describe the situation that made you angry and how it made you feel. This process can help you gain perspective and release your emotions in a safe and constructive way.
6. Move your body
Exercise is such a great outlet for releasing your anger and stress. It doesn’t have to be much, just try to move your body a bit! Go for a walk, run, play tennis, or basketball — literally any activity that you enjoy. Exercise releases endorphins, which are natural mood boosters that can help improve your mood and reduce anger. It also gives you a chance to distract yourself from the source of your anger and focus on something that makes you feel good.
7. Find some extra help
If you find that your anger is becoming overwhelming and difficult to manage on your own, find some extra support from a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Talking to someone you trust can provide you with perspective, guidance, and a listening ear. They may be able to offer advice or help you come up with strategies to better handle your anger.
“Anger is often a secondary emotion, underneath the anger lies the primary emotion that we feel. Our anger can be a response to deep hurt, betrayal, loss, etc.” You may need some help processing the core emotion to truly understand and control your anger. Once you identify the root, you can begin to identify triggers and warning signs.
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Anger doesn't have to take the reins in your life. By practicing these simple techniques you can regain control over your emotions and move forward in a situation in a healthier way. So, the next time a wave of anger rushes over you, remember that you’re in control.
You can read more of Kathryn Lee’s insight on our Ask a Therapist page. Ask a Therapist is an ongoing collection of your mental health questions answered by real therapists. It’s an opportunity to better understand yourself and your mental health in a new way and to get on a path to healing.