How can I approach a friend if I’m worried about their eating habits without making them feel judged? I'm nervous that my friend is throwing up after every meal, and I'm worried about her.

Let’s use this time to develop a plan for you to help a friend who may be struggling with an eating disorder. Eating disorders are categorized by an individual’s abnormal eating patterns that are negatively impacting their mental and physical wellbeing. It can range from someone avoiding and restricting their food intake, to purging after each meal, and even going on binges. It can be really challenging to address your friend’s eating habits without coming off as overbearing, judgmental, and rude. Utilize some of the steps below to approach this friend in a constructive, helpful way!

Start by observing their behaviors. Make sure these behaviors are existent and not just your perception of a problem. You can be direct by asking them their opinions about eating behaviors and their physical appearance, instead of hounding them about what exactly they had eaten, how much, and if they purged after. Being this direct can cause someone to feel attacked, insecure, and criticized, thus resulting in being defensive.
When having this conversation, choose a time that works for you both. Yes, you may be sitting here thinking about, if any time is a good time, but let me remind you that location and timing matter. Choose a time and environment where you have privacy, space, and the potential of minimal interruptions.
Be extremely mindful of the language that you are using when having these conversations. Try to avoid anything that is judgmental and critical - if you’re thinking of starting off with, “You look…,” you’ve already opened up the potential for this conversation to be unproductive and hurtful. Avoid making threats, highlighting unhealthy behaviors, and making negative comments about their physical appearance. Instead, use I-statements and emphasize that you are coming from a place of concern and compassion. You can practice these statements ahead of time and make an effort to utilize language such as, “I’m worried about you; I’m asking to talk about this because I want to help; I’m here to support you.”
Be respectful if your friend is defensive and needs some space before they are ready to take action and receive additional support. You can offer support and resources without being pushy. You can give your friend some space without enabling them to continue their behaviors.

There isn’t an exact science to have this conversation but the key is to be understanding, patient, and respectful. Even if this conversation needs to happen multiple times, let your friend know that you are here to listen and help.

Samantah Southard

How can I approach a friend if I’m worried about their eating habits without making them feel judged? I'm nervous that my friend is throwing up after every meal, and I'm worried about her.

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