I have a hard time trusting people, even those who haven’t hurt me. Where do I start to work on that?

Having a hard time trusting people even when they haven’t hurt you usually isn’t random. It often comes from past experiences where trust felt unsafe, inconsistent, or was broken. Your brain learns from that and tries to protect you by staying guarded. The issue is that the protection can stick around even when you’re with people who haven’t given you a reason not to trust them.

It’s also important to rethink what trust means. Trust doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. Instead of feeling like you have to fully trust someone or not at all, think of it as something you build in layers. You can start small: sharing a thought, asking for help, or letting someone show up for you in a low-stakes way and then paying attention to how they respond. Trust grows through consistent, repeated experiences, not one big leap.

Finally, be patient with yourself. If your instinct is to hold back, it likely developed for a reason. The goal isn’t to shut that instinct off, but to make it more flexible. Over time, as you have more experiences where people show up in consistent and respectful ways, your capacity to trust can expand in a way that actually feels safe, not forced.

Taylor Gaffney