How to get over fear of rejection

HOW TO MANAGE REJECTION SENSITIVE DYSPHORIA

Estimated read time: 4 minutes

By Jackie Menjivar

(Patrick Tomasso / Unsplash)

Everyone experiences rejection in their lives, and everyone copes with it in different ways. But for some people, rejection feels like it’s everywhere, and it becomes unbearable to deal with. A honk from the car behind you, a teacher’s feedback on your essay, or a change in your friend’s tone can all feel like personal attacks. 

If your mistakes feel excruciating, and you assume that people dislike you until proven otherwise, you may be struggling with rejection sensitivity.

Here’s what you need to know about rejection sensitivity —  including steps you can take to help manage your fear and accept rejection in a healthy way. 

What is rejection sensitivity?

Rejection sensitivity, or rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), is a severe emotional reaction to real or perceived rejection. 

Rejection can be hard for everyone. But for people with RSD, rejection is so painful that they struggle to recover from it, and they go to extreme lengths to avoid it. They may also misinterpret other people’s behavior and expect rejection when there isn’t any. 

Experts still aren’t totally certain what causes a person to be rejection-sensitive, but it may have something to do with past experiences with rejection, family history, and certain mental health conditions. RSD is most commonly associated with ADHD, but people with RSD also tend to be at higher risk for anxiety disorders, borderline personality disorder, and body dysmorphic disorder. 

What are some signs of rejection sensitivity?

When people with RSD experience criticism or rejection, they may: 

  • Be overwhelmed by guilt, shame, or humiliation

  • Feel paralyzed or unable to move on

  • Have an emotional outburst (crying, lashing out, etc)

  • Isolate themselves from other people

  • Quit doing the thing they think they failed at

  • Get the urge to hurt or punish themselves

  • Keep replaying the rejection in their head

  • Feel physical pain or discomfort 

To avoid rejection, people with RSD may:

  • Become people-pleasers 

  • Seek validation and reassurance from other people 

  • Set very high standards for themselves

  • Avoid people or situations where they could be rejected

  • Constantly look for signs they’re being rejected (sometimes misinterpreting or overreacting to ambiguous behavior) 

How can you manage rejection sensitivity?

  1. Build a support system. Talk to trusted friends and family about your rejection sensitivity. Lean on them when you’re struggling with perceived rejection and need a second opinion. Or reach out when you need some support to help you move forward.

  2. Practice self-love. Healing your self-image will help you become more resilient to life’s challenges. That starts with how you think and talk about yourself. Find a mantra that works for you, and avoid the negative self-talk. Then, try some of these exercises to build self-compassion.

  3. Communicate in a healthy way. Ask questions before jumping to conclusions about rejection. Check in with your friend who isn’t answering your texts, or ask your partner to clarify their comment that made you feel insecure. 

  4. Stop and reflect. When you feel rejected, resist the urge to react immediately. Instead, pause for a moment and reflect on the situation. What’s really happening here? What are the facts? What thoughts and feelings are coming up for me? How could that impact my perception of the situation? 

  5. Reframe your thoughts. If you can’t change the situation, change the way you think about it. Even if it feels forced at first, fake it ‘till you make it. 

    1. “They aren’t criticizing me. They’re giving me feedback, which means I have the opportunity to learn and grow.” 

    2. “They don’t hate me. They may just be busy or having a hard day, and I don’t need to take that personally.” 

    3. “I made a mistake, and that’s okay. No one is perfect all the time, and no one expects me to be either. I can fix it and move on.” 

  6. Use coping skills. Find the things that help you calm down when tough feelings come up — like listening to music, going for a walk, or playing with a pet. You could also do something that you’re good at to remind yourself of your strengths. 

  7. Process your feelings. Rejection hurts for everyone. Let yourself feel the natural emotions that come with it (just don’t let yourself be consumed by them). Feel your feelings and then move on.

  8. Keep moving forward. Don’t let rejection paralyze you. Stop ruminating on what happened, and make a plan to move on. What lesson can you learn from this experience? What will you do differently next time? How can you remind yourself of your worth? 

  9. Seek treatment. If you’re really struggling with rejection sensitivity, professional help may be the answer. Therapy and medication can help you manage your symptoms and find a path to healing. 

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The signs of rejection sensitivity can overlap with the symptoms of certain mental health conditions, including borderline personality disorder and social anxiety disorder. 

Taking an online mental health screen is one of the quickest and easiest ways to determine whether you could be experiencing a mental health condition (plus get connected to information and resources). 

RelationshipsKristina Benoist