How to stop intergenerational trauma

WHAT IS INTERGENERATIONAL TRAUMA, AND HOW CAN YOU HEAL FROM IT?

Estimated read time: 4 minutes

By Kristina Benoist

(Cheryl Winn-Boujnida / Unsplash)

You can trace a lot of things back through your family tree. You know you inherited your curly hair from this relative and your dimples from that one. But what about the psychological patterns that seem to repeat themselves? Symptoms like anxiety, low self-esteem, and self-destructive behaviors can be passed along throughout generations. 

No, it isn’t a mythic “generational curse.” Intergenerational trauma is real, and there’s nothing supernatural about it. Trauma can impact us deeply as individuals, and sometimes it trickles down to the people closest to us. 

Here’s what you need to know about intergenerational trauma — what it is, what it looks like, and the steps you can take to heal it. 

What is intergenerational trauma? 

Intergenerational trauma happens when the negative impact of a traumatic event is passed down to the next generation. A traumatic event can be anything unexpected and distressing, and it can impact a person’s sense of physical or emotional safety. 

Through intergenerational trauma, a person doesn’t have to experience the trauma themselves to feel its impact. The emotional burden of the trauma is passed from the family members who did live through it — sometimes over the course of several generations. For example, a couple who survived a war in their home country may raise their kids in a completely different country during peacetime, and those kids may still experience similar feelings of anxiety and hypervigilance as their parents. 

“When a traumatic event occurs our brains and nervous system go into “survival mode” and equip us to cope with events that we would not have been able to otherwise,” says Kathryn Lee, a psychotherapist in private practice in New York City. “Epigenetic research has shown that experiencing or witnessing traumatic events can literally modify our DNA. Just as we inherit our appearance, blood type, and medical conditions, we also inherit unhealed trauma creating ripple effects for future generations.”

You may also hear this called multigenerational, generational, or secondary trauma. There’s also historical trauma, which isn’t rooted in a specific family’s trauma, but rather the collective trauma of a systematically oppressed or persecuted group of people. A lot of Indigenous people experience historical trauma from centuries of forced relocation, assimilation, and violence against Indigenous people in the US. 

Who is affected by intergenerational trauma?

Just like any person can experience a traumatic event, any family can be affected by intergenerational trauma. These are some experiences commonly associated with intergenerational trauma:

  • War and combat

  • Immigration and displacement

  • Discrimination

  • Natural disasters

  • Domestic violence

  • Childhood abuse

  • Incarceration

  • Sexual assault

  • Severe illness

  • Near-death experiences

Some racial and ethnic communities are more vulnerable to intergenerational trauma because of histories of inequality, violence, and discrimination against them. For example, racial disparities in the criminal justice system lead to a disproportionate amount of intergenerational trauma around incarceration in BIPOC families. 

What are the symptoms of intergenerational trauma?

Trauma impacts everyone differently, so intergenerational trauma can show up in a lot of ways. That can include: 

  • Anxiety

  • Depression

  • Hypervigilance

  • Low self-esteem

  • Mistrust of people or systems

  • Sleep problems (insomnia, nightmares, etc)

  • Anger or irritability

  • Trouble regulating or communicating emotions

  • Feeling numb or disconnected

  • Substance use

  • Attachment issues

  • Feelings of grief

“Because intergenerational trauma is so specific to a community and family, it may be difficult to pinpoint what reactions are a result of intergenerational trauma,” says Kathryn. “Are these behaviors in reaction to anything that you can recall? If not, it’s possible that you are experiencing intergenerational trauma.”

How can you heal from intergenerational trauma?

Seek outside help. When the effects of trauma impact your daily life or just don’t get any easier to manage, it’s time to find help. A trauma-informed therapist can help you work through your family’s history and its impact. You can also join a peer support group with other people going through something similar.  

Identify and challenge harmful cycles. Think about the patterns, themes, and beliefs within your family. Maybe your family members avoid talking about their feelings and check out when difficult situations come up. Or maybe they isolate themselves and teach their children not to trust outsiders. Ask yourself: 

  • What stories do my relatives tell about our family? How is our family portrayed? 

  • What lessons or explanations has my family taught me about the way the world works? 

  • What does my family value? What does my family discourage?

  • How does my family respond to stressful situations? How does my family cope with pain? 

  • What patterns (behaviors, experiences, etc) keep repeating within my family? 

“Because intergenerational trauma is specific to a community and family, be mindful of your own family’s history,” says Kathryn.

Once you’ve identified any harmful cycles, you can work to dismantle them. Modeling healthier behaviors can encourage your family members to do the same. 

Get educated and empowered. For some people, it can be empowering to learn more about the event or experience at the root of their family’s trauma. Researching a specific war, famine, or regime that your family survived will help you better understand what they went through and the grief they might still hold. 

You can do the same even if your family’s experiences weren’t connected to a historic event. There are plenty of general resources out there about issues like domestic violence, childhood abuse, and incarceration. You might even consider taking action within these communities. Volunteer at a domestic violence shelter, write letters to incarcerated people, or donate supplies for children in foster care. 

Open up conversations. Ask your relatives to share their stories about your family and its history. It’s possible that nobody has ever asked them to do this before, or that they’re holding onto shame or guilt around certain memories, so approach with empathy. Let them know that you’re ready to listen whenever they feel comfortable. 

Practice healthy coping skills. If you’re dealing with intergenerational trauma, you may not have learned healthy coping skills from your family. Fortunately, it’s never too late to start. Try out a few different things and find what works for you — whether that’s meditation, journaling, grounding techniques, or something else! 

“Learn to become less reactive and more compassionate towards your own responses and emotions knowing that they are not yours to carry,” says Kathryn. “A therapist can be helpful in this process to best guide you and equip you with coping mechanisms that are appropriate for what you are experiencing.”

Have patience and compassion. Be careful not to assign blame on yourself or your family members. Your parents or grandparents or whoever dealt with their challenges in the ways that they knew how — probably the way they had been taught by their ancestors. They may not have made all the right choices, but they did what they could to survive and move forward.  That doesn’t mean that you have to accept harmful behavior from them. Just try to understand the circumstances that shaped them, and have compassion for them as human beings. 

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It can feel daunting to heal generational wounds, especially if your family has tried to suppress them for years. Just remember that it has to start with someone. You have the power to break these negative cycles and build generational resilience in their place. 

Trauma, BIPOC Mental HealthKristina Benoist