The Signs Of Unhealthy And Healthy Relationships
WE ALL FEEL AND SHOW LOVE IN DIFFERENT WAYS, BUT HERE ARE A FEW OF THE THINGS YOU SHOULD BE EXPERIENCING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS (AND THE ONES YOU SHOULD KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR)
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A version of this article was originally published by One Love.
Healthy relationships bring out the best in you and make you feel good about yourself. A healthy relationship does not mean a “perfect” relationship, and no one is healthy 100% of the time. While everyone does unhealthy things sometimes, we can all learn to love better by recognizing unhealthy signs and shifting to healthy behaviors. If you are seeing unhealthy signs in your relationship, it’s important to not ignore them and understand they can escalate to abuse.
10 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship
INTENSITY
When someone expresses very extreme feelings and over-the-top behavior that feels overwhelming.
POSSESSIVENESS
When someone is jealous to a point where they try to control who you spend time with and what you do.
MANIPULATION
When someone tries to control your decisions, actions or emotions.
ISOLATION
When someone keeps you away from friends, family, or other people.
SABOTAGE
When someone purposely ruins your reputation, achievements, or success.
BELITTLING
When someone does and says things to make you feel bad about yourself.
GUILTING
When someone makes you feel responsible for their actions or makes you feel like it’s your job to keep them happy.
VOLATILITY
When someone has a really strong, unpredictable reaction that makes you feel scared, confused or intimidated.
DEFLECTING RESPONSIBILITY
When someone repeatedly makes excuses for their unhealthy behavior.
BETRAYAL
When someone is disloyal or acts in an intentionally dishonest way.
10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship
COMFORTABLE PACE
The relationship moves at a speed that feels enjoyable for each person. It’s normal to want to spend a lot of time with someone when you first meet them, but it’s important that you’re both on the same page with how the relationship is moving. In a healthy relationship, you’re not rushed or pressured in a way that makes you feel overwhelmed.
TRUST
Confidence that your partner won’t do anything to hurt you or ruin the relationship. In a healthy relationship, trust comes easily and you don’t have to question the other person’s intentions or whether they have your back. They respect your privacy and would never put you through a “test” to prove your loyalty.
HONESTY
You can be truthful and candid without fearing how the other person will respond. In a healthy relationship, you should feel like you can share the full truth about your life and feelings with each other – you will never have to hide things. They may not like what you have to say, but will respond to disappointing news in a considerate way.
INDEPENDENCE
You have space to be yourself outside of the relationship. The other person should be supportive of your hobbies and your relationships with other friends, family and coworkers. The other person does not need to know or be involved in every part of your life. Having independence means being free to do you and giving your partner that same freedom.
RESPECT
You value one another’s beliefs and opinions, and love one another for who you are as a person. You feel comfortable setting boundaries and are confident that the other person will respect those boundaries. They cheer for you when you achieve something, support your hard work and dreams, and appreciate you.
EQUALITY
The relationship feels balanced and everyone puts the same effort into the success of the relationship. You don’t let one person’s preferences and opinions dominate, and instead, you hear each other out and make compromises when you don’t want the same thing. You feel like your needs, wishes and interests are just as important as the other person’s. Sometimes you might put in more (money, time, emotional support) than your partner, and vice versa, but the outcome always feels equitable and even.
KINDNESS
You are caring and empathetic to one another, and provide comfort and support. In a healthy relationship, the other person will do things that they know will make you happy. Kindness should be a two-way street–it’s given and returned in your relationship. You show compassion for the other person and the things they care about.
TAKING RESPONSIBILITY
Owning your actions and words. You avoid placing blame and are able to admit when you make a mistake. You genuinely apologize when you’ve done something wrong and continually try to make positive changes to better the relationship. You can take ownership for the impact your words or behavior had, even if it wasn’t your intention.
HEALTHY CONFLICT
Openly and respectfully discussing issues and confronting disagreements non-judgmentally. Conflict is a normal and expected part of any relationship. Everyone has disagreements, and that’s okay! Healthy conflict is recognizing the root issue and addressing it respectfully before it escalates into something bigger. No one should belittle or yell during an argument.
FUN
You enjoy spending time together and you bring out the best in each other. A healthy relationship should feel easy and make you happy. You can let loose, laugh together, and be yourselves — the relationship doesn’t bring your mood down but cheers you up. No relationship is fun 100% of the time, but the good times should definitely outweigh the bad.
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If you’re experiencing abuse or domestic violence and are in search of resources and information, call 1-800-799-SAFE to reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline or text LOVEIS to 22522 to reach Love Is Respect.