Starting The Healing Process From Sexual Trauma
3 IMPORTANT WAYS TO COPE AFTER EXPERIENCING SEXUAL ASSAULT OR RAPE
By Kristina Benoist
Hannah Bruckner / Unsplash
Healing from sexual trauma takes a lot of time and a lot of hard work. You didn’t ask for any of this, and now you have to put the time, energy, and money into healing. It can feel incredibly unfair in a lot of ways.
As a survivor or rape or sexual assault, your healing process comes with some low-lows, some high-highs, and a lot of in-betweens. It may also feel like you’re moving one step forward and then taking three steps back. Even though it may be painful, there’s so much for you to gain on your healing journey — you can start to feel like you again.
Here are some small steps to take towards gaining your life and your mental health back:
1.Talk About It
WRITE IT OUT
Sometimes you need to talk to yourself about everything you’re feeling. Opening up to someone else if you’re still processing your emotions can be incredibly overwhelming. Maybe the first time you “talk about it” is an unfiltered journaling session on your own. It sometimes takes you just recognizing what you’re really thinking and feeling for them to loosen their grip on you. This may be the first step you want to take.
TALK WITH SOMEONE YOU TRUST
Opening up about a rape or sexual assault is probably (definitely) one of the scariest steps to take towards healing. What if the person you confide in doesn’t believe you? What if they look at you differently? It can feel easier to downplay your experience or just keep it to yourself. But that’s a huge weight for anyone to carry on their own. If you’re scared about talking to someone you know personally, try talking about it with a therapist or with someone from a crisis line.
FIND SUPPORT
Even though your story is unique to you, there are other people who have experienced similar struggles as a result of sexual assault or rape. There are support groups and 24/7 helplines with people that can give you information and insight on the healing process. But more importantly, they can give you a non-judgmental listening ear and even a community of people who can relate to you when you need it most.
2.Focus on your feelings
REMEMBER IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT
Guilt is one of the strongest feelings that comes with sexual trauma. Remember, it’s not your fault. Repeat this as much as possible until it really sinks in for you. It’s not your fault.
We know that coping with such strong feelings makes your brain think otherwise, and guilt is a normal reaction to a traumatic situation. But we’ll say it again for anyone that needs to hear it, you did absolutely nothing to bring this onto yourself no matter what the circumstances were — it’s not your fault.
REMEMBER YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE AN EXPLANATION
Another emotion that starts to take over is shame. It’s not easy to be kind to yourself in tough situations like rape or sexual assault, and there’s a lot of messaging in our world that blames or questions the victim. When there are subtle hints all around that make you feel as if you were the one that did something wrong or that your experience isn’t 100% truthful, it’s hard not to feel shame. Those feelings end up silencing survivors. Just try and remember that you have absolutely nothing to apologize for or feel embarrassed about, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation about your experience. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise!
3.Take care of yourself
KNOW SOME DAYS WILL BE TOUGH
When you’ve experienced something traumatic, your brain and body are triggered by similar sounds, smells, people, places, even dates. It can send your body reeling into fight-or-flight mode. You can try and anticipate what those triggers may be, and your body usually gives us some clues when we’re feeling stressed or unsafe (difficulty breathing, nausea, racing thoughts).
But if we’re being honest, some days are just tough. And that’s okay. You’ve been through something life-changing, and the healing process may take some time. So be patient with yourself and recognize there will be both good and bad days while you heal. (If you need some help in the middle of those difficult moments try a grounding exercise)
RECONNECT WITH WHO YOU ARE
With traumatic situations, it feels like there’s now a big label over your head telling the world what you’ve experienced. That label takes away all of the incredible things that make you you, and it can leave you feeling numb and disconnected. Remember, you’re not defined by your trauma. When you start the recovery process, try and find all of the “normal” things that you loved before sexual trauma was in the forefront of your mind. You are still you.
PRACTICE SOME SELF-CARE
Self-care may look a little different in the healing process than it looked before. Taking care of yourself may start with lots of rest and calming activities — yoga, meditation, self-compassion exercises. Or it’s communicating and setting some healthy boundaries with the people you love. Maybe you avoid certain activities, tv shows, or movies that can feel violent or triggering to you. It could also be taking a break from alcohol to make sure you aren’t using that as a way of self-medicating. This may not be your dream self-care regimen, but each aspect adds to healing.
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We believe (in) you. You can do this.
If you’re thinking about hurting yourself or others, safety needs to be your first priority. Call 911 or go to the nearest hospital. You can also call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline or call 800-656-4673 to reach the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network 24/7 hotline.