Not everyone you dislike has a mental illness: The problem with armchair psychology, and what to do instead.

IT ISN’T HELPFUL TO SPECULATE ON SOMEONE ELSE’S MENTAL HEALTH – NO MATTER HOW WELL YOU THINK YOU KNOW THEM

Estimated read time: 5 minutes

By Jackie Menjivar

These days, we’re having a lot more open and honest conversations about mental health and illness. And that’s a good thing. But it comes with some drawbacks too.
Some people take it upon themselves to speculate on other people’s mental health. It might sound like, “Your ex-boyfriend is a textbook narcissist,” or “It’s obvious that the new girl is on the spectrum.” Whether it happens in hushed conversation about a friend you know, or offhand tweets about a celebrity you don’t, this kind of armchair psychology can be really damaging — and it’s time we start calling it out.

Here’s everything you need to know about armchair psychology: what it is, why it’s harmful, and how you can respond to it. 

What is armchair psychology?

When an unqualified person speculates on someone’s mental health symptoms, diagnosis, or treatment, they’re participating in armchair psychology. Even if someone is a mental health professional, they shouldn’t be offering a medical opinion unless that person is their patient. You’re only going off of the things you can observe as a casual bystander — which means you don’t have the full picture

Here are some examples of armchair psychology: 

  • “Diagnosing” someone with a mental health condition. “My brother definitely has borderline personality disorder. All the symptoms are there!”

  • Offering psychological advice. “The only way to get over your triggers is to face them head on. You need to try exposure therapy.” 

  • Making a judgment about someone’s personal psychology. “Her parents are divorced, so she’s probably projecting those issues onto her relationship.” 

Why is armchair psychology harmful?

It trivializes mental health conditions. Being diagnosed with a mental health condition carries a lot of weight, and there’s a reason why people have to be trained and licensed to give them. It’s a complex process that requires a thorough evaluation. Throwing around a diagnosis based on a few untrained observations can really downplay the severity of these conditions. And a lot of times they rely on stereotypes — not everyone who acts selfishly has narcissistic personality disorder, and not everyone who’s a little socially awkward has autism spectrum disorder. 
It increases mental health stigma. Sometimes an armchair diagnosis can be weaponized to put someone down or denounce their behavior as wrong or abnormal — and that creates a really dangerous connection between mental illness and misconduct. When you’re quick to label controversial, abusive, or generally unpleasant people as mentally ill, you’re perpetuating harmful (and inaccurate) ideas about how people with mental health conditions behave.

It pathologizes normal behavior. You don’t always need a diagnosis or some deeper psychological motivation to explain a person’s behavior.  People are allowed to have bad days, make mistakes, and act in unexpected ways without having an illness or disorder. Psychoanalyzing someone’s character can really impact their self-esteem and feelings of agency.

It interferes with proper treatment. If someone is truly struggling with a mental health condition, they should seek guidance from a mental health professional. Unqualified opinions about what they should or shouldn’t do for their mental health are unhelpful. Armchair advice can lead them down the wrong path for their recovery, or keep them from getting the help they need. 

It cuts the conversation short. Armchair psychology leaves the other person out of the conversation. When people feel judged, they’re less likely to open up about the challenges they’re facing. They don’t need their loved ones to act like experts; they need encouragement, support, and someone who will listen. 

How can you respond to armchair psychology?

IF SOMEONE IS BEING AN ARMCHAIR PSYCHOLOGIST: 

Acknowledge their concern.

  • “I understand that you’re worried about them, but I don’t think this is the right way to go about it.” 

  • “I know you’re coming from a place of love, but that comment really isn’t necessary.”

  • “I can see that you’re concerned for them, but this conversation doesn’t feel helpful.” 

Remind them of their role. 

  • “As friends, our job is to support them, not judge them.”

  • “Why don’t we check in on how they’re doing instead?”

  • “Whatever they’re going through, I think it’s important that we’re here to listen.” 

Express discomfort.

  • “I really don’t feel comfortable speculating about someone else’s mental health.” 

  • “I would be upset if someone else was making these kinds of comments about my mental health.” 

Call out the harm. 

  • “We don’t have all the details, and we definitely don’t have all the answers. It can be damaging to make these assumptions.”

  • “We can point them towards some resources, but we’re really not qualified to diagnose or treat them.”

  • “Mental health diagnoses are really complex, and they impact a lot of people. We shouldn’t be throwing them around like that.” 

Change the subject. 

  • “Can we talk about something else?”

  • “Let’s change the subject.” 

  • “That reminds me of this other thing…”

IF YOU’RE BEING TARGETED BY AN ARMCHAIR PSYCHOLOGIST:

The same principles from above apply here — acknowledge their concern, remind them of their role, call out the harm, etc. But if you’re getting unwanted mental health advice, it's also  important to set boundaries. Here are some examples: 

  • “I’m coming to you as a friend. I don’t need you to act like my therapist.” 

  • “My mental health is personal. Please respect that.” 

  • “I know myself best, and I need you to trust that I can make the best choices for my own mental health care.” 

  • “Speculation isn’t helpful. If you keep making those kinds of comments, I’m going to have to stop discussing this with you.” 

IF YOU’RE CONCERNED ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE’S MENTAL HEALTH:

  • Reach out. It doesn’t have to be a full-fledged intervention. Just a few questions can help you check in on how someone is doing — and let them know that someone cares.

  • Ask them for what they need. They know their situation the best, so let them tell you what’s helpful. That may be advice, a shoulder to cry on, or someone to help them schedule a therapy appointment.

  • Listen without judgment. If they decide to open up, be a good listener. You don’t have to solve all their problems. You just have to be there for them. 

  • Connect them with resources. If it feels appropriate, offer up some resources for them to check out — just don’t be pushy about it. You can point them towards the IDONTMIND Journal for mental health information and inspiration. They can take a mental health screen if they think they may be struggling with a mental health condition. And if they need crisis support, there are services available 24/7. 

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Here’s what it boils down to: opinions don’t determine a person’s reality, and mental illness is not an insult. So the next time you hear someone making an armchair diagnosis or speculating about somebody else’s mental health, call them out. It’s time to break the stigma, one conversation at a time.

RelationshipsKristina Benoist