5 different ways people can cope with grief
There’s No Right Way to Grieve — Only Your Way
By Mia Barnes
(Transly Translation Agency / Unsplash)
Grief is a powerful human feeling. That gut-wrenching, painful sensation after losing someone you love is often the topic of poems, books, movies, and every possible form of expression.
With so many ways to honor someone’s memory, grief still isn’t a topic most people are comfortable talking about. Schools teach us how to apply to college and even the distance to the sun, but not how to grieve or what healthy grieving looks like.
One person’s mourning may look very different from someone else’s. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Understanding different ways to cope with loss can help you find compassion for yourself or support a loved one who is currently experiencing grief.
Why grief doesn’t have a time limit
The famous stages of grief explain how you have to move through disbelief, anger, negotiation, depression, and acceptance — but it’s not a linear process. You may move through several stages of anger, some acceptance, more anger, and eventually reach a point of letting go. Bereavement isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience.
Grief is like a chameleon that changes colors — you may experience it one way one day and a different way the next. You could run across a photo of a loved one who passed years ago, only to feel the sharpness of loss again.
With the right social support and community, it’s possible to reduce some of the painful symptoms of grieving with manageable ways of coping.
Ways to cope with grief
Loss isn’t something you tick off your list or throw out once finished. However, it’s possible to find comfort in someone’s memory. It can warm you when the absence hits you like a storm or remind you how much you love and care for someone who passed. Finding ways to come to terms with that pain is what grieving is all about. These coping techniques may work for you or someone you know who is navigating a loss.
1. Let go of judgment
Understanding that grief is an organic process that is never the same for everyone is one of the best ways to start coping. It’s about permitting yourself — without any negative association — to feel sad. You don’t have to “be strong” or suppress your feelings. In fact, grief is one of the seven emotions necessary for human survival.
In many cultures, it’s perfectly acceptable to grieve publicly and let your body release the trauma. Mourners may rip their clothes, throw dust on themselves, and engage in many other expressions that best give voice to their sorrow.
Avoid caring what people think about your process or focusing too much on cultural norms. Relying on people you trust can help you experience and cope with grief in whatever way is most authentic for you.
2. Acknowledge loss as part of life
Grief is a part of life, but it can’t consume your life. Continuing to engage in your day-to-day tasks, seeing your friends, and putting time into activities that bring you peace is how you honor the memory of your loved one.
Consider your life a tapestry and loss as one mark on that tapestry. This reasoning means that your life — your tapestry — continues on, interweaving the threads of your existence with the lives and memories of others. The picture doesn’t change — another color is now part of it. Using this analogy can help you regain some perspective on the grieving process.
3. Find someone to lean on
Other people are likely feeling the absence of the person who passed or wanting to support you through this challenging time. Asking for support isn’t a sign of weakness.
Reach out to people you can count on. Meet new people who resonate with your experience through local support groups. Your community can help honor your process, offer guidance when you ask, and show kindness. Grieving doesn’t mean the person who passed no longer exists. They have a history that you can talk about to keep their memory alive. As long as you continue with life and don’t try to live on those memories alone, you’re on a healthy track toward integrating the loss into your tapestry.
4. Don’t rush ahead
People often rush into the business that comes with death, such as wills or funerals. Sometimes, people who have just lost someone have big decisions to make, like where to live. Take a moment to stop and breathe. There’s no rush — if you have to, put your loved one’s items into storage until you are ready to sort through them. Avoid sudden changes like moving cities or jobs when you’re still raw and should focus on what matters — your bereavement process.
5. Protect yourself
The person you lost wouldn’t want you to spiral into self-destruction. A final way to manage loss is to pay extra attention to your self-care. Make sure you eat well, exercise, sleep enough, connect with kind people, and get plenty of fresh air. Learn to ask for things you need, whether that’s support or more time alone.
If you continue feeling like you’re lost or not coping, it may be time to get an outside perspective. A therapist can help you self-evaluate, create a healthier relationship with grief, and identify if you are stuck because of a complex bereavement disorder.
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Every day is a new opportunity to fill with the threads of your life. Sorrow will always be there, but it won’t always hurt as much. Moments of joy will appear again, happiness will thrive and you’ll remember the value of what you lost with gratitude and grace.
Coping with grief is about accepting that it’s a process — it takes time, and you will be okay.
Mia Barnes is a health and wellness freelance writer with a passion for mental health, healthy living and self care. Mia is also the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Body+Mind magazine. Follow Mia and Body+Mind on Twitter and Instagram @bodymindmag!