I’ve started to notice a lot of the toxic things that my family does — it’s just naturally ingrained in how we function. What can I do to bring it up, without completely rocking the boat?

When it comes to addressing unhealthy family dynamics, one way to ease into the conversation is by leading with curiosity rather than immediately and explicitly labeling the behavior. Often, naming behaviors as 'toxic' can trigger defensiveness, shutting down any chance of a productive discussion. Instead, start by asking open-ended questions or making observations. This approach invites family members into a conversation rather than making them feel attacked.

However, it is important to acknowledge that even with a gentle, curious approach, family members may still react poorly. While you may be ready and willing to discuss these dynamics, some family members may not be ready to reflect on their behavior. Resistance or denial is a common response, especially when patterns are deeply ingrained. In those cases, it is crucial to manage your expectations, to accept what you can and cannot control, and to set boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. You cannot force anyone to see or do things differently, but you can start the conversation thoughtfully and keep showing up for yourself in the process.

Kathryn Lee