How to reframe unhelpful sayings when someone you know is going through a tough time
“EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.“
THESE COMMON PHRASES ARE LESS HELPFUL THAN YOU THINK
By Minaa B.
(Mauro Lima / Unsplash)
A version of this article was originally published by Minaa B. on Instagram.
When you struggle with honoring and accepting uncomfortable feelings, it makes it difficult to comfort others when they’re struggling with the same type of emotions that you spend most of your time running from.
Learning to be empathetic requires emotional awareness and acceptance. Without it, it can be hard to be in the struggle with others because it might feel like a scary place to be in. It’s okay to admit that you don’t know what to say when someone is hurting. Just show that you’re listening, that you can offer support, and that you care. That is just as powerful as responding. It’s also important to know that a response doesn’t always have to be in words, it can be in acts of love.
There are a lot of good intentions behind some of these sayings, but impact is what matters most. So, here are commonly used phrases and how to reframe them to be more helpful to someone in the moment.
“Everything happens for a reason.”
REFRAME
What you’re going through is really tough and I wish there was a way to comprehend all of this. It’s okay to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling right now.
“You’re still not over this yet?”
REFRAME
What happened must be extremely difficult to process on your own ever after all this time that went by. Do you think you might need additional support to get you through this?
“You have to be strong.”
REFRAME
You must be feeling a lot of things right now while having to show up for so many other responsibilities. How can I be of service to you to lighten the load while you process what you’re going through?
“God won’t give you more than you can handle.”
REFRAME
I really hate that you have to endure all of this and I’m here to help. Is it okay if I take the initiative to do ______ for you while you process everything that’s happening?
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For more tips on how to be there when someone needs your support, check out Listen Up.
Minaa B. who was born Jessmina Archbold, is an NYC based licensed psychotherapist. She works in private practice providing wellness services to clients with different complex mental health issues and she works as a mental health advocate and freelance writer for various publications. Minaa is also the author of the book Rivers Are Coming, a collection of essays and poems on healing from depression and trauma. More can be learned about her on minaab.com.
