Eating Disorders Are Rarely Just About Food

SOME GUIDANCE FROM A THERAPIST AT THE EATING RECOVERY CENTER

By Gina Malnati

Suhyeon Choi / Unsplash

I have to admit… I feel hesitant whenever I write about a specific mental health issue or diagnosis because I try to avoid pointing out commonalities or creating blanket statements for the people I serve. 

Take eating disorders for example: in my experience, eating disorders do not discriminate — they can affect anyone. When I hear my patients speak of the barriers to care they've endured because there's a stereotype that people with eating disorders are only young, straight, white females. The reality is, stereotypes and blanket statements become dangerous and life-threatening. Additionally, eating disorders are rarely just about food. What lies underneath? Trauma, shame, grief, loss of power, need for control, and most prevalently a lack of ability to accept oneself and foster internal validation. 

We all have a relationship with food and our bodies. Now, whatever judgment word you want to assign to that relationship, that depends on your experience. As I’ve seen, when rules enter these relationships they create rigid obligations (I can’t eat this, I can only eat that, I have to do x workouts a day, I can’t feel good about myself unless I do x,y, or z…etc). These rules and obligations make it so we can’t be happy, or grateful, or satisfied unless they are obeyed — and even if they’re obeyed our minds may still find other reasons why we aren’t enough. So why not throw the rules out?

In times like these (of stress, isolation, and general uncertainty), be kind to yourself and know that your worth is not determined by the number of calories you eat, miles you run, or your gravitational relationship with the earth (aka your weight). It's not determined by your level of productivity or creativity. Look inward and identify what you value and make small goals to achieve these values, so you can give yourself feelings of accomplishment, happiness, and purpose. 

Here's a few of mine, for example — I value humor, connection, family, play, nature, recovery, and surrender. I have found that when I put my energy into moving toward these I spend my days less in my head and more in my life. I have seen this in my patients too. I wish I could describe how breathtaking it is to see when someone can shift from valuing their eating disorder and secrecy to valuing things like their art and writing, their education, their laughter, their partners and families, their mental and physical health....it’s truly beautiful and soul-shaking.

I would like to leave you with this: stories kill shame. If we share our stories we allow for connection, solidarity, and hope to enter our lives and for shame, isolation, and hatred to exit. Let the healing begin!

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Gina Malnati is a program therapist for the Eating Recovery Center. She provides group therapy for one of the largest hospital systems in America that solely provides treatment for people with eating disorders.