A love letter to Rocket
HOW TO SERVICE YOUR SERVICE ANIMAL; A STORY ON HEALING
By Haley Mechelle
(Patrick Hendry / Unsplash)
It’s a strange thing when you find yourself servicing your service animal.
Let me start from the beginning.
From some of my earliest pre-teen memories, I can remember this overwhelming feeling of anxiety and panic that flooded every inch on my body. It really started when I found myself clutching my cat in tears as I found out my mom had been in a minor car accident. Mind you I had just lost my father to cancer a year earlier, and at the tender age of 14, still hadn’t dealt with the reality of death.
The next anxious moment was my first black-out, later known as a panic attack, when I found out that I was losing the only thing in my life that kept me sane — acting. I had finally felt stability, or at least what a 15-year-old could call stability, and it was all being taken away. My acting, playing basketball, and my social life as I knew it-- gone—all because I didn’t understand why my mind was the way it was. I was 15, just trying to sort my life out and couldn’t understand why my emotions were being sidelined as “dramatic.”
Fast forward some years and I finally recognized my response to stressors were “abnormal,” so I went to an incredible doctor who sat and listened to me, and I mean really listened, and finally said the words I had longed to hear for so long.
“You have a panic disorder… Xanax or,” and then he said it, “a service animal.” I knew convincing my family would be impossible, but the 21-year-old me didn’t care. I needed help. After months of looking, it finally happened. I was working at the shelter, and I locked eyes with a small whitish and orange dog. When we met, it was like every inch of me was calm, everything was clear. I needed her just as much as she needed me.
A few years passed and she had become an amazing service animal. Then it happened.
Now, if you know breeds, you’d know that German Shepherds, Rocket’s main breed, are one of the most protective breeds and having them as service animals can really be a Russian roulette of behavior related problems. Well, we got attacked. In our garage. I tried my best to move Rocket out of the way, but she was too big, and I was too slow. After that something in her mind snapped.
I had many days and nights staring into her eyes wondering if her world had flipped. On walks, she’d pull and bark, not aggressively of course, but lacking impulse. She’d always look behind us and I could see the fear in her eyes. It’s like she was always looking for the next attacker. She has PTSD. I knew then that I had to service my service animal.
I did what I wish people would’ve done for me. I researched everything and validated every emotion I could see her feeling. I sat and walked with her at dog beaches and watched her as she nervously interacted with dogs. I didn’t negatively discipline her for pulling but simply corrected it and tried again. Slowly we were able to do something as simple as go back into grocery stores and she’d look up at me with that beautiful big smile she always gives. It’s like we were healing one another.
Now I call her retired in public settings, but she still comes to work with me at another shelter. Everyone loves Rocket’s disposition but if only they knew how much she’d overcome at 5 years old. How much we both have overcome.
I can’t truly thank Rocket for what she’s done for me, but maybe letting the roles reverse is thank you enough.
Thank you, Rocket.
This piece was written and shared during the IDONTMIND Writing Workshop. Learn more about our free, nine-week course and be the first to know about the next workshop here. Visit Mental Health Connecticut’s YouTube channel for a video version of Haley’s story.
Haley is an actor who recently graduated from SDSU with a BA in Theater Performance. She is ecstatic to have been able to write with such an incredibly vulnerable group of people, and looks forward to hearing, and reading her fellow coursemates’ pieces.
