What to do if you can't relax feeling guilty
7 STRATEGIES TO MANAGE STRESS AND EMBRACE DOWNTIME
By Mia Barnes
(Valeriia Miller / Unsplash)
Guilt is something that plagues everyone at different times in our lives. All humans need downtime to destress, but it can be a problem when relaxation leads to more stress and worry. How can you know if you're suffering mild stress or facing anxiety?
1.Take an emotional inventory
First, assess whether you feel overwhelmed because of external stressors. For example, your friends and family have high expectations you're having trouble meeting, which can lead to temporary stress. According to therapists, anxiety is persistent worry or feeling as though you are in danger.
2. Add relaxation time to your to-do list
If you feel guilty when trying to relax or do something mindless, try adding relaxation to your schedule. A balance between school or work and fun helps keep stress levels low. Taking a break is crucial for your physical and mental well-being.
You may need to trick your mind into thinking you’re completing a task to enjoy downtime. Adding it to your to-do list as an item to check off reminds you to take a break when necessary.
The Pomodoro technique helps students and workers be more productive by working on a task for 25 minutes and then taking a five-minute break. After four rotations, take a more extended break of about 30 minutes. If longer breaks stress you out, try short stints to build up to longer rest periods.
3. Prioritize sleep
Studies show over 35% of adults fail to get seven hours of sleep a night. Not getting the recommended rest can lead to sleep disorders and other health issues. It’s tempting when you’re behind on things to give up sleep, but knowledge crammed into your brain won’t stick.
You may do better on a test by getting a good night’s rest and eating a nutritious breakfast rather than studying late into the night. Make sleep a priority, even if you feel a nudge to do something else. Being exhausted will only make you feel more on edge.
4. Focus on the moment
Those who feel guilty about resting tend to be forward thinkers. They look at the list of tasks left to complete later in the week and feel they can’t waste time studying. So, train your mind to focus on the moment rather than your to-do list.
Training your brain to stop worrying takes time and consistent effort. When you’re having fun with friends, going out to dinner with family or doing an activity you enjoy, your mind may think you should be home cleaning, studying or finishing other tasks.
When you think of something to do, tell your brain it’s time to relax so you can do better on those tasks later. Immediately put them out of your mind and listen to what those around you discuss. Take part in the conversation by asking questions or sharing your thoughts. With a bit of practice, you’ll become better at shifting back into the moment instead of glancing at your phone to see if there’s an email from work or an update from school.
5. Learn reframing techniques
When taking a break, do you think of the worst-case scenarios that might occur because you took time off? Harvard University mentions you can change these negative thought patterns by reframing them.
Look out for extreme language you may use. For example, “I’ll never pass this test if I don’t stay up all night studying,” or “I’m going to get fired if I take the day off for my cousin’s wedding.” Words with negative connotations can cause you to focus on the worry.
To reframe negative thoughts into positive ones, start by looking at the evidence. Has your job fired people for taking a day off with advance notice? If you fail the test, can you make up the scores later? Once you know the most devastating possibilities, it's easier to focus on how you'll handle things if it all goes wrong, and you can set your concerns aside.
6. Talk to a friend or family member
If you still can’t relax and enjoy downtime, talk to a friend or family member about what you’re going through. Find someone who gives good advice and has a common-sense approach to life. Share your worries with them.
They can set your mind at ease by pointing out where you’re thinking wrong. If you still feel anxious, it may be worth talking to a therapist to get some additional advice and help learning how to destress.
7. Getting to the root of why you feel guilty
You may feel pressure from many sources to be perfect all the time. While rest is helpful for body, mind and spirit, you might not see its immediate advantages. Taking time for yourself to do what you love or veg out can lead to improved mental health and a balanced life. Try to find the methods that let you put the guilt aside and take the time you need for yourself.
Mia Barnes is a health and wellness freelance writer with a passion for mental health, healthy living and self care. Mia is also the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Body+Mind magazine. Follow Mia and Body+Mind on Twitter and Instagram @bodymindmag!
