What does it mean to "sit in your feelings"?
6 ways to face Your Emotions Head-On
By Mia Barnes
(Joice Kelly / Unsplash)
Handling uncomfortable emotions — like from a breakup or childhood experience — isn’t easy. You’ll often hear mental health professionals suggest “sitting in your feelings” to experience your emotions, rather than avoiding them. How can this method actually help you navigate overwhelming emotions? Here’s the meaning of the phrase and some tips on effectively implementing it as a form of self-care.
What does “sit in your feelings” mean?”
It means acknowledging your feelings wholeheartedly rather than avoiding, repressing or distracting yourself from them, whether it’s happiness, sadness, loneliness or restlessness. It’s about experiencing your emotions in their entirety to make you realize it’s normal to have them.
When was the last time you had big emotions and suppressed them so you didn’t have to feel them anymore? People struggle to face their feelings for so many reasons, such as older traumas or fear of judgment. But you’ll need to cope with them at some point. This is where the “sit in your feelings” concept comes in.
When you sit in your feelings, you don’t let ideas such as “too emotional” or “too intense” break you down. You treat the moment as a way of allowing yourself to feel, even when it hurts.
Does it entail sitting down?
“Sitting” may sound passive, but in this context, it means sitting in the distress that comes with big emotions. You embrace your feelings in their entirety without wallowing in self-pity.
While it doesn’t require sitting down, doing so may help you attempt to sit in your feelings. For instance, you can sit on the floor and practice breathing exercises after feeling a physical or emotional sensation. You can either spend time outdoors and bask in the healing powers of nature to lower your stress levels, or stay home if the outside world is too distracting.
Signs you need to sit in your feelings
Many people struggle with managing their emotions, but it can be more challenging for some. It may be time to sit in your feelings if you:
Feel stuck thinking about the past or worrying about the future, causing you to miss the present moment.
Have low self-esteem due to feelings of worthlessness.
Fail to avoid negative emotions.
Feel you’re not reaching your fullest potential.
How to sit in your feelings
Here are some ideas for coping with your emotions in a healthy way:.
Start a journal
Journaling provides a healthy way to deal with any overwhelming emotion. It can help you prioritize problems and fears, and track feelings so you can recognize triggers and learn ways to manage them. Get started with journaling with these tips:
Write daily: Build the habit of writing down your thoughts and feelings daily.
Let words flow: Always keep a pen and paper handy to write when you need it.
Scribble whatever feels right: Your journal doesn’t need to conform to a particular structure. It’s your space, so don’t worry about grammar or spelling errors.
Identify the emotion
It can be challenging to tell what your emotions are. For instance, you might have lingering fear underneath your irritability, which is much harder to admit. Your first instinct might be to think, “I’m so irritated.” Try replacing it with, “This is irritability and my fear of loneliness.” Detaching yourself from the feeling can help you process it better.
Pay attention to your physical symptoms the next time you feel a strong emotion too. For instance, you might realize a feeling you’ve identified as loneliness manifests as chest pain. Practicing this regularly can help improve self-awareness of your body and mind.
Ask inviting questions
Avoid confronting your feelings with a “why.” Questions like “Why did I do that?” can minimize them, making it more challenging to deal with them. Asking nonjudgmental, more compassionate questions allows you to be kinder with yourself. Here are some questions that can help foster a more positive relationship with your feelings:
Is this feeling familiar?
How intense is this emotion on a scale of one to 10?
Was this a gradual or sudden feeling?
What could this be trying to tell me?
Monitor your emotional triggers
Though commonly associated with the experiences of individuals with post-traumatic stress disorder, a trigger is something that activates or worsens existing symptoms of an existing mental health issue. You can identify your triggers by retracing your steps — what were you doing before feeling a certain emotion? Did you see, hear or feel something that activated the rush of negative emotions?
(P.S. Journaling can also help you identify your triggers.) If you’re seeing a therapist or counselor right now, journal it out and discuss it with them after.
Practice proper breathing
Improper breathing can exacerbate to panic attackscan contribute a panic attack, anxiety and emotional disturbances. Try this simple breathing exercise when big emotions are overwhelming you:
Inhale slowly through your nose, keeping your shoulders relaxed.
Feel your chest and abdomen expand.
Exhale slowly through your mouth while keeping your jaw relaxed.
Repeat until you start to feel better.
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Try sitting in your feelings today. Emotional acceptance is difficult, but these tips can make it a little more bearable. Sitting in your feelings isn’t all about changing feelings — it’s about making peace with the fact that you have them.