How to use your love language for better self-care
BECAUSE WE DON’T HAVE TO WAIT FOR OTHER PEOPLE TO GIVE US THE LOVE WE NEED
By Jackie Menjivar
(Jez Timms / Unsplash)
You’ve probably heard of love languages in the context of relationships. A love language is the specific way a person likes to receive affection, and it’s usually seen as something you do for another person or something they do for you.
But we don’t have to wait for other people to give us the love we need. There are ways to show yourself love and care through every love language — no partner needed! (If you don’t know your love language, you can take the quiz to find out.)
Physical Touch
If this is your love language, you value physical touch above all else. Physical touch can be intimate or not — warm hugs, holding hands, and back rubs are all things that can make you feel loved.
GET MOVING
Physical activities like stretching and yoga put you in tune with your body. Take your time with each movement, and feel your body respond in your muscles, heartbeat, and breathing.
SPA NIGHT
Take a warm bath, or rub your aches out with a self-massage. You don’t even have to get that fancy with it. Everyday routines like skincare, brushing hair, or putting on lotion are opportunities to pamper yourself.
SNUGGLE UP
If you’re not feeling up for something super active, just get cozy while you read or watch your favorite show. Even without a partner, you can get those cuddly feelings using things like weighted blankets or heating pads.
Words of Affirmation
If this is your love language, you prefer written and spoken expressions of love. You feel most loved when people tell you how much you mean to them, whether that’s through a sweet text, a love letter, or just a passing compliment.
JOURNAL
There are plenty of reasons to start journaling, no matter what your love language is. But we definitely recommend it if words of affirmation are your thing. Try writing down the things you love about yourself, things you’re grateful for, or things you’re looking forward to. If you’re not sure where to start, here are the journaling basics.
SELF-TALK
Sometimes we all need a good pep talk — don’t be afraid to give your own! Quiet your inner critic by reframing your negative thoughts, and finding your mantra to make positive thinking a habit.
FIND INSPIRATION
If you’re having a hard time finding the right words, look to places like podcasts, self-help books, or social media (just be careful about which accounts you’re following) for inspiration. There are tons of prompts, affirmations, and quotes out there to get you talking compassionately with yourself.
Gift Giving
If this is your love language, thoughtful gifts mean a lot to you. It’s not just about what you get either. Coming from the right person at the right time, gifts feel like symbols of someone’s affection for you.
FILL A NEED
Part of what makes gift giving special is feeling like someone knows you so well that they find the perfect thing for you. And no one knows you better than yourself! Get yourself a gift that meets your unique needs. What would make your life easier? What have you been missing? What would bring you joy every day? It doesn’t have to be big or expensive to be impactful. You could even make something for yourself, like a homemade sugar scrub or crochet oven mitt.
MAKE IT AN ACTIVITY
One of the best gifts you can give yourself is a memorable experience. Think beyond your Amazon wishlist and treat yourself to concert tickets or a dinner reservation. You could also give yourself the gift of time and spend a distraction-free afternoon listening to your favorite album.
SURPRISE YOURSELF
Sometimes you just can’t beat the delight of opening a totally unexpected gift. So find ways to surprise yourself. You’ll never know what’s coming with advent calendars, monthly subscription boxes, and mystery product bundles from Etsy. Or get creative with stuff you already have — you could wrap up a few books from your collection, take one to the park, and unwrap a surprise read.
Acts of Service
If this is your love language, you appreciate when people show their love through helpful actions. You think that actions speak louder than words. It feels special when someone helps you out by doing the dishes, making your bed, or running to the post office for you.
TACKLE THE TO-DO LIST
You know those things you’ve been putting off? The ones that would make your life so much easier if they just got done? It’s time to do them. Unload the dishwasher, go grocery shopping, donate those clothes in the back of your closet, and please call your grandma. You’ll thank yourself later.
HELP YOUR FUTURE SELF
Yes, doing a bunch of chores and errands may not sound like a lot of fun. But think about it like you’re setting your future self up for a really great day. You could meal-prep today so that you can enjoy a nice dinner tomorrow. Or get ahead on work over the weekend so that your Monday is stress-free.
ADDRESS YOUR NEEDS
One of the best things you can do for yourself is care for your mental, physical, and emotional well-being. That means making appointments to see your doctor, dentist, or therapist to check in about anything that’s been bothering you.
Quality Time
If this is your love language, spending quality time together is really important to you. The activity doesn’t matter as much as having someone’s time and undivided attention. Date nights, shared meals, and regular chats all make you feel loved.
ALONE TIME
Spend a night at home enjoying your own company. Without the pressure of entertaining someone else, you can do whatever makes you truly happy. Maybe try turning off your phone, making yourself a nice dinner, and watching a good movie on Netflix.
FIND YOUR HOBBY
A hobby helps you regularly dedicate time to yourself and your passions. Find something you can do by yourself like skateboarding, knitting, or playing an instrument. It’ll take time to get good at them, but that’s kind of the point.
TAKE YOURSELF ON A SOLO DATE
What are some things you’ve always wanted to do but could never find someone to do them with? Places you’d like to explore but felt awkward going by yourself? We promise you: no one there will care if you show up alone. So take yourself out to that restaurant or visit that museum solo — you’ll have a great time.