Holiday survival guide for single people

How to embrace the season with confidence

By Lizzy Madrigal and Drew Valo

(Kieran White / Unsplash)

Picture this: You’re walking into a party you’ve been invited to by a friend. Holiday songs are playing, the living room is adorned with lights, and delicious aromas are drawing you into the kitchen. You make your way there, saying hi to a few people you know, stopping to catch up for just a moment. Then the question comes: “So, are you dating anyone?” 

You feel your smile fade, but you try to maintain the joyful look you walked in with. “No,” you reply simply. “Not right now.” There it is again, that brief awkward pause where the other person doesn’t quite know what to say. And in their attempt to comfort you, they pull in a generalized saying that usually goes something like “Well, it’ll happen when you least expect it!” You reply with a laugh and they join in, relieved at your response. You walk away to grab a drink, suddenly hyperaware of all of the couples around you. Attending things alone never really bothers you, yet during this time of year, it hits you like a ton of bricks. Why?

With the average age of marriage increasing, more adults are spending the holiday season single. Combine that with the popularity of “cuffing season,” colder weather, and the endless push for connection, it is not abnormal for single people to be feeling particularly lonely during this time of year. 

So what to do? How can a person who typically handles singleness well during other parts of the year adjust to this season? First, we must note the difference between what it means to be alone versus lonely. Alone is a physical state of being, and loneliness is an emotional one. According to one study, done by the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), 66% of American adults reported feeling lonely during the holiday season, with approximately 24% percent of those with a diagnosed mental illness reporting symptoms getting worse. It’s important to note this because at the core of loneliness is the misalignment between hopeful expectations and reality. If you’re finding yourself feeling down, or comparing yourself and your situation to others, below is a brief list of actions that you can take.

Self-care 

A healthy mind begins with a healthy body. Movement, cutting out unhealthy foods, and adequate sleep are the building blocks of nurturing a healthy body. When our bodies are fueled properly, we are better able to regulate our emotions as they occur. Other activities that can be helpful for our self-care include being out in nature, engaging in creative activities, grounding/meditation practices, and learning a new skill. 

Make plans with loved ones

As much as we want others to initiate the invitations to outings, there’s a lot of empowerment in being the one to gather people together. Go see Christmas lights, decorate gingerbread houses, and exchange gifts with friends! The love that exists amongst friends is just as important as romantic love. 

Be mindful of how you spend your alone time 

Write this down: Do not allow yourself to marinate in your negative emotions. The more you sit with negativity, the harder and longer it takes to get out of it. Fill your time with things that matter to you, whether that’s trying a new hobby, reading, writing, acts of service, preparing your favorite meals, or connecting with loved ones.

Focus on your mindset

Remember, the things that you give importance to are the very things that will be important in your life. Thoughts are like seeds in a garden; whatever you choose to water will eventually grow. Watering thoughts like contentment and gratitude will allow those emotions to bloom. Loneliness, feeling left out, and sadness start small and can quickly compound and grow out of control in a similar way that weeds do. Tend to your garden during this season in preparation for the promises of the year to come.