Why You Shouldn't Wait Until Your World Is Falling Apart To Go To Therapy
THERAPY IS YOUR CAR AND YOUR THERAPIST IS YOUR GPS. NOW ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS.
By Nyamekye
I am a 29-year-old Ghanaian-American male with amazing parents, siblings and friends. I am in a healthy relationship. I practice self-care, meditation and workout regularly. So, when I told my family and friends I had been going to therapy, their response came with a shock.
“Why! What’s wrong!”
They probably found my response even more shocking when I said.
“Nothing, really.”
We often view therapy as medication. When we are sick we take medication to get better. However, what if we started viewing therapy as vitamins? We take vitamins as a precautionary measure to prevent physical illness. Mental health should be thought of in the same manner.
We hold on to statements like, “I’m not that bad,” “I’m not like him/her” and “I just have to pray harder, ”as a defense mechanism. If you’ve ever thought about therapy, do your best to follow through. Although the initial process can be tricky, it is not impossible and the journey will be more than worth it.
Millions of people have seen a therapist over the past two years. One can assume that not all incoming clients are coping with severe mental illness. Rather, many of us go through general periods of ups and downs. Whether it is a bad day at work, loss of a family member, or simply questions about life and the pursuit of happiness, life breathes occasional worry.
There are several misconceptions about therapy. One of the biggest is the reason behind why someone should seek therapeutic intervention. Why go through bouts of sadness or months of intrusive thoughts before requesting help? In respect to physical illness, we are directed to take medication at the first sight of pain or discomfort. Doctors tell us that if we prolong medication, it could have lasting effects on the body. Mental stability can be molded into the same paradigm. Therapy should be sought out at the first sight of discomfort. If you are Black and you live in America, there is no doubt you go through stress. Whether it is being a brown face in a white space or combating family stress, there is a reason for all of us to seek out mental health providers.
Black Millennials are quickly breaking the generational curse of mental health and our community. The mistrust Black people have with the mental/physical health system is deep-rooted and historically logical. Its inception from slavery has flowed through our veins and controlled us for centuries. But 2019 saw a break in that pattern and a monumental shift in mental health for Black people. From Therapy for Black Girls (TFBG) to Therapy for Black Men (TFBM), mental health has taken priority in our lives.
Another barrier has become, how. How do we, as Black people, start therapy? Starting is not rocket science, however, it’s definitely an ongoing equation. When we are physically ill, we can typically find the nearest hospital without frustration. There is a large number of us who have a primary care provider that came through a referral, or at the very least, a good Yelp review. Therapy is a little different.
Mental Health offices are not as visible as your local hospitals. Google is your best bet. If you have insurance, call the offices you find. They should be able to provide you with a list of mental health providers in the area. Make sure you ask what your copay will be. It’s against the law for your mental health copay to be higher than your medical copay. Cross-reference your list with Google, or better yet, a therapy database. Insurance companies have been known to unintentionally recommend businesses that have either, moved or are no longer in service. There are several databases for Black and brown mental health providers (TFBG, TFBM and Cultural Therapy).
Before you start calling, make a list of everything you want to unpack in therapy. Try jotting down larger themes in your life. Then under each theme write one or two points that describe your themes in detail.
For example:
Theme: Work; Detail: I am being undervalued.
Theme: Family; Detail: My parents are constantly disappointed in me.
Follow this pattern to your heart’s desire.
The next step to getting a therapist is kind of like casual dating. Most therapists offer a free or low-cost consultation that lasts about 15 minutes over the phone. During this conversation, you will have the opportunity to speak about your wants and needs in regards to counseling. If you feel at a loss for what to say, refer to your list. Try to get a good feel for your potential therapist during the consultation. It’s like that first phone call before you go on a first date. In most cases, you can tell from the consultation whether or not you will want to continue with that particular therapist.
Once you find a good connection, you can set up an initial session. The first session(s) may feel a bit awkward. This is very common and that feeling should subside. As your journey continues, expect to receive homework. Going to therapy is the big first step, however, doing the homework is what makes it even more impactful. This is how you will learn, acquire, and practice new coping skills.
It should be noted that if you find yourself truly uncomfortable in a session you can always request a referral to a different therapist. Your therapist can help you find a better fit. Ultimately, therapists want to see you acquire a deeper sense of emotional stability, even if it’s not with the clinician you started with.
Therapy is by no means easy, but do not wait until you are emotionally drained to start. Remember, therapy is not a means to an end; it does not fix you. To fix something means it was broken, and none of us are broken (you’ll learn that in your session). You have a goal for your life, a destination perhaps. Therapy is your car and your therapist is your GPS. Now, all you have to do is follow the directions.
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Carllistus Nyamekye Obeng is a Ghanaian-American School Psychologist, Poet, Writer and Speaker. He uses his gift of Dyslexia to communicate the needs of those who are unable to. He lives by one mantra "God gave me this voice, I might as well use it".