What Can I Do When I'm Too Afraid to Ask For Help?
YOUR QUESTIONS ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH ANSWERED BY A REAL THERAPIST
Our Ask a Therapist series gets answers to your questions about mental health from real therapists. Follow @idontmind on Instagram for more and a chance to ask questions of your own.
Today’s therapist is Aimee. Aimee Falchuk, MPH, M.Ed, CCEP is a psychotherapist in Massachusetts and Certified Core Energetics Practitioner. She facilitates personal
growth programs around the country and writes and lectures on psycho-spiritual topics and themes. She is a Board Member of Mental Health America and the Hadassah Foundation.
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How do you know if you have anxiety or if it’s just stress?
While they can feel the same, stress and anxiety are different, and the difference can be helpful in finding ways to manage them. Stress is something we often experience as a result of something coming at us from the outside. External stressors — as they are referred to — can be things like expectations from our peers or our family, financial burdens, school and social stressors, care-taking responsibilities, illness etc.
It is very common to feel overwhelmed by these external stressors, especially if we feel like we don’t have a good handle on them or may be afraid to ask for help or don’t practice good self-care.
While stress is often brought on by outside forces, anxiety originates internally. Anxiety can actually be a response to stress but the symptoms of anxiety often remain even when the external stressor is no longer there. Anxiety is best described as persistent and excessive worry. If it had a phrase playing itself over and over again it might be something like “I am not ok” or “I am not safe”. Its like our nervous system is stuck on “danger”.
My clients have explained it as a general feeling of unease. Some experience it as hyper-vigilance or sensitivity, constant thinking and worry about everything, especially things that they don’t have control over. Some experience it more in their bodies and report feeling tense or tight in their muscles, a shallow breath or even shortness of breath, sweating, restlessness and dizziness at times. Some even experience it as panic at times.
Neither stress nor anxiety feels good, so it’s important to take good care of yourself — this includes sleep, exercise, maintaining a healthy diet, and staying hydrated. Different techniques like breathing exercises, meditation and just getting down on the floor and feeling the support of the ground can be really helpful. Stress and anxiety can sometimes leave us feeling like we are all alone in it so it can be helpful and even necessary to seek help and support from others.
Is it okay to feel empty sometimes?
Yes. It is okay and common to feel empty sometimes.
I think it makes a lot of sense that so many of us can feel empty sometimes. First, we spend so much time trying to get people to like and accept us. We try so hard to be “good enough”. All that energy focused on other people at the expense of ourselves and what we truly want and need can leave us feeling empty.
I choose to understand that feeling of emptiness as a knock at the door. A knock trying to tell me that I am disconnected from something really important within me that wants to be out in the open. Often times, it’s feelings that I think aren’t okay to be felt or expressed. If you feel empty, what aren’t you feeling?
I think that feeling of emptiness is part of the human experience. And while it can feel really bad or uncomfortable there is this opportunity to get to know it and to listen to what it has to say and what it wants.
Next time you feel it maybe close your eyes and take a deep breath and ask, “what do you want to tell me?” And then just listen for the answer. Also, move your body. Feel your aliveness through movement. It is almost always that it will shift the energy in some way and open the door to some understanding about that feeling of emptiness.
What can I do when I’m too afraid to ask for help?
First, I just want to say that you writing this question is you asking for help. So that’s really great.
When we are afraid to ask for help it usually means we have some ideas or beliefs about what it means if we do. So what is it you believe about asking for help that makes you afraid? Some things to consider
Do you believe asking for help is a weakness — that you will be seen as not being strong enough to do it yourself?
Do you believe that if you ask for help you will be burdening or bothering others?
Do you feel like you don’t know exactly what you may need so it keeps you from asking?
It can be helpful to first try and understand what it is about asking for help that scares you. Often times, it really is a belief we have about it — which is often not really true.
Also, how do you feel when people ask you for help? Do you have compassion for whatever their struggle may be? Are you wanting to help them? If so, see if you can allow yourself to know that the same could apply to you when you reach out for help.
Lastly, telling someone you are afraid to ask for help may be the place to start. Sometimes just telling someone what we feel is what really gets us what we need.
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Content is for informational purposes only and is not meant to serve as medical advice or to replace consultation with your physician or mental health professional.